“Tigil mo na yan uy. Hanap ka
nalang bago dito. Yang makasama mo everyday.”
A
friend once told me these lines. She is actually a close friend of mine and she
told me these exact words (perhaps not really that exact but of the same
thought) while we were having small talks over an abrupt dinner. We haven’t talked to each other for a
while because of various reasons , most of which are particularly
about the hectic schedules we currently have. Anyways, let’s just say that it
was only her kind of simple advice or friendly thought regarding the “relationship”
I am currently in. (To put it plainly, I’m not yet in an official relationship
yet. There’s this boy who’s been waiting for me to give him my yes for almost
two years now.) Not half a second after those words blurt out of her mouth, I
felt a huge pang strike my heart. It was clearly not because of the reason that
I might have any chances of doing what she adviced to to, but because I am
pretty sure that there would be a thousand and one percent chance I would still do the total opposite.
Yes,
you can call me pretentious, pabida, pa hard to get, pa “relationship goals” or
someone who’s nothing but a plain show off. I guess you just would never
understand how it feels like unless you go and decide to step on my shoes. I know
most and maybe almost everyone would prefer to have someone who would be there physically. Someone to support them and someone who would always be by their side no
matter what. Someone who they could call if they are in need of company and would
be there in just a blink of an eye. Someone who would be their “one-text-away-buddy”
. Someone who’s perfectly willing to hug them everytime they’d receive a
failing mark on one of their majors. Someone who’d cheer them up because they are so pissed about their terror and monstrous
professors. And someone who would never ever make them feel alone.
I’d
be lying if I’d say that none of those ever made me jealous. Ofcourse, seeing
couples being sweet to each other gives me the feeling of bitterness. Everytime
I see a boy holding his girl’s hand on an esclalator, it makes me want to kick
both their asses off. Yes, seeing cute and happy couples makes me
the the bitter, loner and team walang forever girl. But once I remember how it feels like
to have someone waiting for me? A smile immediately draws up my face.
I
know it sounds kind of corny but you just don’t know undertstand how flattering it is to
know that someone’s willing to wait for me to say my very precious "yes". Someone who even
though is a lot of miles away from me, does his very best to make me feel
secured and safe. Someone who’s willing to spare some of his time even though
his schedule’s just so fcked up. Someone who sends you his terrible selfies
just so he could make you feel better because you just can’t handle the stress
that life throws you. Someone who, even though is sure his voice is really out of
tune, would send you consecutive voice messages because you asked him to give
you some kind of lucky charm for your physics examination. Someone who never
fails to send you a goodnight text even though you haven’t talked to him for
days. Someone who would fake his laugh over your corny
joke. Someone who would always make you feel like your on the top of his priorities. Someone who would picture out his own future with you in it. And finally, someone who would give you the assurance that he will always
be there, willing to wait for you, even if it would take forever for him to
wait.
For
me, having that someone would be better than holding hands or seeing each other
between breaks. There are couples who’d fight or argue over the simplest things
and eventually get sick of each other’s company. Well I’m sorry but my guy
makes me feel special even though he’s a thousand miles away from me. And that
requires a lot of perseverance and hard work. Nothing would ever defeat a brave heart that’s willing to wait.
